Monday, September 7, 2009

Man in the Mall

Yesterday I spent some quality time at Park Royal Shopping Centre. The change in the weather brings on some instinct from the days when you were a kid and your mom dragged you to the mall for new school clothes. At some point, this annual excursion actually became something to look forward to. But remember the agony? Mom would be picking out dork clothes and you argued for the femme-fit Jordashe jeans to no avail. I got a lot of striped turtlenecks - in every possible shade. That's what I recall anyway.

So besides my Friday evening purchase of a brand new 24" iMac, I could still muster up some energy to cruise through the stores for some dress slacks. I wear a lot of dress slacks for work. And of course pop in to every shoe store on the North Side. And while I slunk around Hudson's Bay Company, I had to chuckle and of course privately commend myself for not being guilty of one of life's most cruel and ridiculous hazards: The female taking their boyfriend or husband to the mall while she shops for clothes. UGH. Why the torture girls?
Trust me - this is not reality:

Just looking at these pathetic men is utterly bewildering. Why, oh why do they allow themselves to be subjected to such lunacy? It's like they've been abducted (or wish they were). My God - the dazed look on their faces and the ding bat who never tires of pendulating something on a hanger in front of his blank stare and asking him, "What do you think of this colour?"

Well gals, I have some news for you. He couldn't give a crap. You're literally killing him. Stop this nonsense and let the poor creature out of his shopping captivity.

I don't have a boyfriend, but I can tell you this is not something I would ever subject my love bug to. It's just not right. In fact, there ought to be a law. And if he wants to shop with you, you may want to see if he's also storing his Judy Garland CDs in the trunk of his Miata.

So girls, go forth and shop. Shop on your own. You'll cover more ground. You won't look like a human torture machine and your boyfriend will be much happier. Trust me, this will be your best buying decision.

1 comment:

Dan Johnson said...
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