Black Books - you time-wasting bastards

I purchased this DVD series for fun because it was Channel 4 and the package described "Meet Bernard Black (Dylan MOran) a foul tempered, drink-fuelled and eccentric bookshop owner who loves his books and hates his customers".
Really, I ask you, who could resist that? He is my dream man. I'm not kidding.

The Fran Reader: Excerpt #2

Page 127-128: Clothes with Pictures and/or Writing on Them:

"The particular general state of things that I am referring to is the general state of things that encourages people to express themselves through their clothing. Frankly, I for one would not be unhappy if more people expressed themselves by marching en masse into the nearest large body of water, but barring that, I wish they would at least stop attempting to tell all by word of jacket. I mean, be realistic. If people don't want to listen to you, what makes you think they want to hear from your sweater? "


AND THIS my friends, is why I adore the brilliant, Fran Lebowitz.

This arrived today...

After the dismal week I've had, this is keeping me laughing to myself. For instance, the chapter, "Better Read Than Dead: A Revised Opinion", the first sentence ensures that this is a book that I will be taking with me everywhere. So please read from page 32 of the soft-cover:

"My attendance at grammar school coincided rather unappealingly with the height of the cold war. This resulted in my spending a portion of each day sitting cross-legged, head in lap, either alone under my desk or, more sociably, against the wall in the corridor. When not so occupied I could be found sitting in class reading avidly about the horrors of life under Communism. I was not a slow child, but I believed passionately that Communists were a race of horned men who divided their time equally between the burning of Nancy Drew books and devising a plan of nuclear attack that would land the largest and most lethal bomb squarely upon the third-grade class of Thomas Jefferson School in Morristown, New Jersey."

Lisa Kogan is one of my favorite human beings...

And though it's only been some cruel twist of fate that I do not know her in the flesh, I will shell out the 6 bucks for an Oprah 'O Magazine' for the very fact that feature writer Lisa Kogan pretty much guarantees me a good laugh. The woman is very "clevah".

In her article "How You (Yes You), Should Live Your Life", she gives 15 super points - I kinda favor these ones,

# 8:
Any man who begins a conversation with, "I don't want to hurt your feelings…" is about to hurt your feelings. It's the kind of phrase that's never followed by, "…but I just don't think you're eating enough. Please have more lasagna while I get you a brownie." Other opening gambits that pretty much scream duck-and-cover include: "Don't take this the wrong way…," "You can feel free to say no…," and the always popular "Look…"

and in my business, #11:
Allow me to demystify the entire real estate market for you: Gracious means ridiculously small. Quaint means a total wreck and ridiculously small. Spacious, airy, luxurious, and grand all mean ridiculously small.

#14:
To quote Elmer Fudd, "Be bwave, widdoe wabbit." Take a chance, wear your heart on your sleeve, ask the most attractive man in the room to dance, say what you want, demand what you're entitled to. There's a pretty decent chance that you won't get it, but who will you be if you never even try? Note: Only attempt the dance invitation if there's actual music playing.

Ahh Lisa, thank you.

There's a lot to update the blog with but I have to start with this first...I actually think she may be part humanoid - but only partly.

Last night we celebrated at Chris and Linda's place - a surprise party - which was wonderful. We did however, miss this hilarious skit from SNL.

Dylan Moran

I was also going to pick up the new release "Run, Fat Boy, Run" because Dylan Moran is in it.
This is why.


Also, Dylan was in Navan, County Meath - same as my grandfather. I can't say if Bartholomew was as hilarious.

It's one month til me birfday

and with that dreadful thought, I need a wee bit ova laugh...cause God knows there's gonna be some cryin later 


Part II is posted over here.

I wanna change my name to Georgette

Dang it - so much for the World Wide Web; unfortunately Hulu doesn't stream outside the States :( and I can't find the SNL Goth Talk skit anywhere else. But in so searching for it, I came up with these few gems






And I CAN'T WAIT FOR FEBRUARY so I can post this one again

Horsing around

I'm laughing so hard, I'm literally crying. I love her sidekick Chuy- every late night talk show host needs a sidekick and her Chuy rules. Where can I get a Chuy?

Chelsea Handler IS my new hero

Chelsea Lately is the best show on late night television. Marni says Chelsea is exactly like her and I. "She's us". She's fricken right. If I had a show and not a blog, here's the hostess I'd be:



Dear God. Making fun of idiots like Spencer Pratt and his girlfriend/fiance Heidi is beyond fantastic. It's amazing.

Thanks Marni for introducing me to Chelsea. I can't stay up as late as you. I have to work at 8AM. It kinda sucks not having a husband with loads of money so ya don't have to work and you can stay up and watch late night television.

Let's take another look:

sometimes I can't believe it's not butter...

Sometimes I think I'm the Vicar of Dibley. I understand her pain.